Time to Reflect

It's been a busy couple of weeks, and I just realized it's been more than two weeks since I blogged. There seems to be so much that I need to catch up on........t-ball season is in full swing, first trip to the dentist for Austin, Mother's Day, wedding preparations, etc.  I'll get to all that stuff, on another day.  But the past few weeks have also been a little different.  I don't know if it's just different things that I have going on in my life right now, my impending 30th birthday in a matter of weeks, or just growing up. But I've felt a little 'off' lately, more introspective, and quiet.  Even at home; I've got a DVR full of shows that I'm usually itching to catch up on. But instead, I've been enjoying the peace and quiet after putting the boys to bed and just reading or thinking.  In fact, I've read 10 books in the past month alone.  I know, crazy, right?! (Another post to come, on some of my great reads.)

Anyways, so all this thinking and reflecting has made me want to do a blog about things that I'm thankful for. It seems kinda appropriate since it's been nearly 6 months to the day since Thanksgiving when I last did a post on it.  So, forgive me for getting sappy or emotional; it's just the kinda mood I was in today.

• I'm thankful for a great support system.  My job has finally slowed down, but Jordan's job continues to provide difficulties as far as his schedule goes.  Most nights when he works, it's 10:30 or so before he makes it home.  And he usually works most weekends, too.  It can get lonely being here by myself night after night, and overwhelming trying to keep up with the boys being solo.  I try to be strong and act like I can handle it on my own. But the truth is, it's hard.  Not only for me, but it's hard on Jordan to be away, too.  I know we're doing what we need to do right now for him to have a good paying job to help support us, but that doesn't make it any easier. But I'm thankful that I have some great friends and family who can step in to either cheer me up, watch the boys for a few hours while I get a breather, or just let me hang out with them so that I don't have to be alone.  These special people in my life are my rock, and I couldn't make it through life without them. 
  
  
• I'm thankful for some amazing co-workers.  Each year, our firm does 'Upward Feedback', where I have to submit names of people that have worked for me throughout the year to provide an evaluation on me. Typically, it's your bosses providing the evaluation on you, but this was the other way around.  Their responses are anonymous, so you never know what people would say, given the courage of anonymity.  I'd been kinda having a crappy week already and really needed some positive news, and it couldn't have come any faster when I got the email with all the results combined.  The many staff and seniors that have worked for me had such kind words to say about me.  No matter what's going on in my personal life, I try to always have a positive attitude at work, respect my staff, and encourage them.  And it looks like I've succeeded in that.  It just makes me sad that I'll be leaving them behind in a few weeks when I begin my new rotation. 
  
  
• I'm thankful for how a song can bring back so many memories.  Typically on the weekends when the kids and I are playing around in the house, I'll put CMT on for us to dance around to some music.  A few weeks ago, this one song came on and the video instantly caught my attention and I can't seem to get it out of my head.  For some reason, it just reminds me of Jordan.  Maybe it's the black Chevy truck, a handsome guy who hasn't shaved in a few days, or the black baseball cap.  It reminds me of the days when we first met. How carefree we were.  I don't know, it's silly, but it's instantly become one of my favorites and I replay it often. And just to give you a visual, here you go. (I know, typical country song.) Jordan seriously needs to learn to play the guitar!
   


• Kinda continuing with the above one, I'm thankful for Jordan.  He's an amazing husband and father.  We both get caught up with the craziness of our everyday life and alone time is few and far between. But it's the simple texts before he clocks in for work, or seeing him walk through the door at night when I'm just about ready to head to bed after a long day, that I look forward to.  Last week, I had a difficult night, after a long unexpected phone call with someone that left me pretty upset.  After putting the boys to bed, Jordan ran to the store for my favorite $8 bottle of wine.  We sat up talking late, sipping on wine, and watched Duck Dynasty (seriously, who watches that!?).  He knows just what I need to cheer me up and talk things out with me.  I guess that's what you can expect from someone you've been with for ten years now (which is still crazy). But I'm glad we still have that connection.  Recently, I learned that a friend of mine was getting a divorce, and it broke my heart. I'm realizing that we are the statistic;  the one that is surviving through it all.
  
  
• My boys. What can I say about my boys. I'm completely outnumbered in this house, even with a boy dog.  Austin has been having his moments lately, pushing my limits sometimes, making me wonder where that sweet little boy has gone. I'm hoping it's just a phase, then relishing the warmth I feel when I pick him up from school at the end of the day as he wraps his arms tightly around my neck.  And my sweet Chase Chase.  That kid is so dang sensitive and gets his feelings hurt so easily.  His nickname at school is 'Teddy Bear', and he lives up to it most definitely.  He loves to cuddle and be held.  I can't imagine my life without these sweet little boys in it; they truly complete me.  No matter what kind of day I've had a work, or whether I'm brought to tears by a mean letter, everything is better when they're in my arms. 

Of course, that's not all I'm thankful for. But those are my top five right now.  I'll try to get around to blogging about all the fun stuff that's been keeping me busy soon. :)

Update on my status

Well, about a month ago I did a post about how I was going to start focusing on myself a little more for a change.  I'm happy to say that I have been successful for the most part. I completed one month of bootcamp, which was twice a week at 5:30am in the nearby elementary school parking lot. I hated every minute of it, but know that it's a required step to my end goal.  Last week I signed up for a new session of bootcamps, which is three times a week at 5:00am.  Yep, 5am! That means when my alarm goes off, it says four-something! I never thought I would be able to do it, but I don't even fight it anymore. This new bootcamp requires me to drive to the nearby town of RC, so it actually gives me a few minutes to wake up. Although, I am pretty quiet and don't talk that much during the session.  It's actually pretty peaceful, working out, under the stars before anyone (or the sun for that matter) has gotten up yet. And I think I'm actually starting to enjoy it; I get a little bit of a high from it and feel really good.  Jordan and I even went for a run this morning; I love all this new found energy!  I usually take a walk with the boys every evening, as I pull my big man (aka Chase) in the wagon and Austin chases us down in his Jeep.  I've even gone as far as nearly being talked into doing a 5K mud-run next month right before my big 30th birthday. I figured it was a good goal to set and work towards.  And I recently bought a Groupon for Jordan and I to go indoor rock climbing on our next date.  Making exercise fun, right here! :)

As for the healthier eating, I still struggle with it on a daily basis.  That's never been one of my strong suits, but I'm working on it. I'll do great for a few days, and then it seems I just fall off the edge and go crazy. I've definitely cut out almost all of my sweets, because I try to not even keep anything in the house to tempt me. Although, this does frustrate Jordan when he wants some cookies. :) So far, I've lost about 6 lbs. and my clothes are already starting to feel looser.  Vegas is quickly approaching, so I've got to stay focused!

On the health front, I've only had one episode of my heart racing since I was at the endocrinologist last.  But it's definitely better than it was.  However, when I met with her last month, we discussed the option of just going under the knife to take this big ol' thyroid out, along with the cyst on it. That way I wouldn't be having these episodes when my levels go all wacko on me. I'm most likely going to have to be on thyroid meds for the rest of my life, so taking it out will just ensure that I will have to take them forever.  I've been doing alot of research on it (damn you Google!) and after talking to my doctor, I think it's our best option. I don't like the way I feel with my thyroid being three-times the normal size, and this cyst is putting more pressure on my throat, making it a little difficult to swallow at times.  So, I'm going back in next month for another round of bloodwork to see how things checkout, and then we'll seriously talk about scheduling a surgery. But with my sister's wedding coming up in a matter of weeks now, I'll postpone the surgery until afterwards, just to make sure that I'll be 100% for the big day, and not have a fresh, noticeable scar on my neck. I'm not excited about going under to have surgery, most likely staying overnight, and having a scar across my neck, but I think it's what needs to be done.  Unless the doc can come up with a better solution, but I don't think that's likely. So please keep me in your prayers, that I make the right decision and that all will go well once I move forward with the surgery.

Change?

I've been thinking alot lately about a topic.  Maybe it's because I got a hateful letter last month, basically condemning me to hell and telling me what a terrible person I was because they didn't agree with some of my decisions.  The letter was hurtful and hypocritical, as it was slamming me for judging someone, when the author judged me for a full three pages based on one side of the facts.  It was definitely unnecessary and not helpful in making a difficult situation any easier.

Anyways, so I've been having a debate with myself.  Do I believe that people can change? Absolutely. Do I think that everyone can change, just because we wish that upon them? Absolutely not. I usually consider myself a positive person in life, a half-glass full kinda gal. I like to look for the best in people. But do I judge people? Yes, I'm human. As I think about it, we judge people everyday as part of our decision-making process.  When you're searching for a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a spouse.  You judge them.  When you meet someone and wonder if you want to become friends with someone. You judge them.  When you cast your vote in any election. You judge them.  You have to make decisions based on the facts at hand, and you're gut feeling or heart. 

When someone has or is doing something that I don't agree with or completely against, it's my right to separate myself from the situation. That doesn't mean that I don't want them to change. I do, but I don't have to stay around for any consequences in case they don't change.  For instance, I know several people who have been on the receiving end of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse in a relationship.  Myself included. When I was 18, in love, I thought I was going to marry someone. But all it took was a fight where I was thrown to the ground.  That was it. I deserved better than that, and removed myself from the relationship. But so many people don't. They think he won't do it again, or that it was justified for some unfathomable reason. But there is never an excuse to raise your hand to a woman, or to even make threats. Not anger, not alcohol, not even violence from the woman.  For those who choose to stay in those relationships, I do pray that they change, for both the man and the woman's sake.  But let's not be naive and think that it will never happen again, because most likely he will, no matter how many times he says he's sorry or that he loves you.

Same thing with alcohol and drug use. I've seen what both of those can do to people, especially my father.  I have very few happy memories with my dad, mainly overshadowed by all of the slurred speech, absences, and lack of any care or concern for me and my sister.  I turn 30 next month, so alcohol (and possibly still drugs) have affected his life (and those around him) for the past thirty years. But once I was old enough to make my own decisions, I have separated myself for him, almost completely.  I wish  that he could change, I do. But I don't think it will happen.  He's been affected by it too long. But it's my choice to make that decision to not have him in my life if I don't want those influences in my family's life.

I wish people would just respect my decisions.  You don't have to agree with it, but respect it. I've stood up for something that I believe in. And as difficult and heartbreaking as it has been, we have stuck with our decisions. But these are our decisions to make. I want to provide my family with the happiest and healthiest upbringing, and if that means excluding those who may put that goal at risk, then so be it. It's my right.

All Over the Place!

Whew! It's been over two weeks since my last post.  It's been busy, yet relaxing.  Work has slowed down, so I've been able to actually be 'part-time' and enjoy some downtime.  I've been trying to just enjoy life, take it all in, and not worry about blogging. So, sorry if you've been poking around here looking for an update. But here I am!  


What can I say, the month of April was full of little boys running around and controlled chaos. :)  Chase is full-blown running & walking everywhere.  He just has this look of excitement on his face the entire time, I love it. But along with all of this mobility, comes trips and falls, which a big one happened yesterday.  He slipped and fell at daycare yesterday, busted his gums and chipped his front tooth! He chipped a good chunk of it, so we ventured to the pediatric dentist this morning to get his checked out.  Chase was so good and mellow while they examined him and even got an x-ray.  The verdict was that the root was not fractured, and that they would be able to repair it when he got closer to 2. So in the meantime, we're stuck with a snaggle-tooth! It doesn't seem to phase him though.


This past weekend we ventured to the zoo for a birthday party and had a blast. Chase just enjoyed hanging out, while Austin ooh'ed an awe'd at the monkeys and tigers, and even got in a pony ride.  Usually every night after we get home from work/daycare, we spend at least an hour outside playing or going on a walk. We're trying to soak up the mild weather before the extreme heat sets in for the summer.  Austin loves to ride his Jeep, and Chase has finally mastered the little Cars 4-wheeler.


We're about nine weeks out from the big wedding, and there's so many little details still to be taken care of.  This next week, I'm going out on the hunt for some super-cute suits for the boys to wear as they perform their ring bearer duties.  And t-ball is about to start, so our schedule is going to be hectic. And then Vegas in 5 weeks, so excited!!  Here are a few pics over the past month, enjoy!

Austin petting the goats at the zoo

My silly boys playing in the clubhouse

If you look closely, you can see where he chipped off nearly half of his front tooth!

Looking like such a big boy these days!

Austin riding the pony at the zoo

My boys at Target, Austin's favorite place! :)

I found Chase up on the table one day in the playroom, just watching Barney!

All over the place, bringing me the remotes 

Silly boy with a fresh haircut!

Kat's Bridal Shower!

What a successful shower, if I say so myself! It was a bit of a madhouse Sunday morning, but the shower was beautiful and exactly how I envisioned it. I feel like I have been prepping for this event for months now. But maybe that’s because I had to do it in very small increments when I found time between busy season, the two kiddos, working out, and sleeping!  But it was all worth it in the end and really came together. 

When I sent out the invitations, I included a custom monogrammed recipe card (made by yours truly!), so that each guest could bring a recipe for Katrina to include in her stash to make some delicious meals for Logan when they’re still in the honeymoon stage. J And she got a lot of great recipes!  For the favors, I came up with the ‘He Popped the Question’ idea, and had flavored popcorn (grape and cheesecake) and cake pops for the guests to take with them when they departed.  And I made a super cute banner on my new favorite machine, too.

                       

As for food, I pretty much divided those responsibilities out to the other maids, since I was so focused on décor, favors, etc.  All the girls came through with quite a selection of yum-yums, including a signature purple beverage (alcoholic, of course!) for us to sip on during the shower.  It was so yummy, you couldn’t even tell it had alcohol in it, which is dangerous!!  For the cake, one of the maids, ordered it from the same bakery that’s doing the wedding cake, and it was amazing and full of flavor!

We played a game called, ‘How well do you know the happy couple’, which had a list of 20 questions with multiple choice. And we also put Katrina on the spot with the ‘Nearly Newlywed Game’, where I had interviewed and recorded Logan’s responses the week before and she had to guess his response.  Well, her responses were entertaining and provided lots of laughs!

When it came time to open all of the gifts, we found out that Target severely needs to improve the gift registry updating, as she got four crockpots, 2 Shark steam mops, and 2 glass pitchers.  And she got a lot of other great gifts which took several cars to load up. I’m super-thankful for everyone who came together and make this shower awesome for my sister, and for all the women that came out in the rain to shower the bride for the day. 

Now that the shower’s done and we’re less than 3 months out from the big day, I’m sure the bride has many more things on my to-do list.  Ahhhhhh!  But Vegas is in two months, so something to look forward to!



Hostess with the Mostess!

Yep, that's me!  Bridal shower for my sis is in less than 48 hours.  Today, I was running around like a mad woman gathering last minute items.  And I just finished making a few batches of cake balls.  You can be sure that I will throw one hell of a bridal shower for my favorite sister!  After all, she did name me 'Matron of Honor'. For some reason I feel like that makes me sound old.........matronly.  Hmmmm.  Anyways, I digress.  It's going to be a great gathering of some great friends and family to shower the bride with gifts, great food, a signature drink, and lots of laughs.  Although, I think Mother Nature has a full day of storms in store for us, so that won't be very much fun loading and unloading everything for the event.  Grrrrrrrrrr. 

Stay tuned for a full blog to follow on it! :)

In an Instant

Your life can change. In an instant.  I was quickly reminded of that this week and how precious life with our loved ones is.  Today, I had the unfortunate task of attending a funeral for a 2 1/2 year old that was tragically killed in a car accident on Easter Sunday.  One minute he was alive hunting eggs and attending a church carnival, then a few hours later he was gone in an instant.  What a heart-breaking thing to even think about.  After I saw the news all over Facebook Sunday evening, our classmates (and the rest of our small tight-night community) showed an outpouring of prayers and love for the parents.  I can't even fathom what I would do if one of my boys were taken away.  As I sat weeping at the funeral this morning, I couldn't help but having so much admiration and respect for how the parents were handling the situation and turning towards their faith for peace and comfort.  The father even stood for about 15 minutes giving a sermon and sharing memories of their sweet little Eli.  He emphasized the fact that we are all in a hurry in life, but need to take time to be the best parents we can and focus on the important things in life. And not to take any moments with our loved ones for granted.

I'm not a super-religious person and don't attend church nearly as often as I would like to, but I'm still a Christian.  I can't spout off 100 bible verses by memory, but I still know where I stand with the Lord. I know that God has plans that we may not always understand and we have to trust in Him and lean on Him, especially in difficult times.  I've been upset all week thinking about the pain that this family was going through.  I'm definitely hugging my boys extra tight tonight and thanking the Lord for each and every minute that I get to have with them.  They truly are my everything, and I try to be the best parent and role model possible for them.

I'm not perfect and have never claimed to be.  My kids are in no way perfect; they throw tantrums, talk back to me, and have an occasional 'scuffle' at school. But I love them unconditionally no matter what.  I don't have a perfect marriage.  Jordan and I have our fair share of arguments, but we love each other and are committed to making our marriage last a lifetime and hope to provide an example of a healthy relationship to our boys.  I don't think that we're better than anybody.  But we are proud of the fact that we both worked our way through college, paid for our own schooling (and will still be paying for many years to come), have good jobs, and have worked hard to provide for our family and live a comfortable life.  We have flaws and strive everyday to be the best parents we can for the boys and make decisions that have their best interest at heart.  Those are decisions that we have thought about and prayed about and are difficult at times.  We love our boys and would lay our life down for them in a heartbeat.  We're thankful for the wonderful support system of family and friends that we and the boys have, and will continue to cherish every moment we have with them.  Life is precious and we don't take anything for granted. 

Please continue to keep this grieving family in your prayers as they move forward in the difficult days/months ahead.  In light of their loss, I will continue to strive to be a better parent and treasure our time together.