Change?

I've been thinking alot lately about a topic.  Maybe it's because I got a hateful letter last month, basically condemning me to hell and telling me what a terrible person I was because they didn't agree with some of my decisions.  The letter was hurtful and hypocritical, as it was slamming me for judging someone, when the author judged me for a full three pages based on one side of the facts.  It was definitely unnecessary and not helpful in making a difficult situation any easier.

Anyways, so I've been having a debate with myself.  Do I believe that people can change? Absolutely. Do I think that everyone can change, just because we wish that upon them? Absolutely not. I usually consider myself a positive person in life, a half-glass full kinda gal. I like to look for the best in people. But do I judge people? Yes, I'm human. As I think about it, we judge people everyday as part of our decision-making process.  When you're searching for a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a spouse.  You judge them.  When you meet someone and wonder if you want to become friends with someone. You judge them.  When you cast your vote in any election. You judge them.  You have to make decisions based on the facts at hand, and you're gut feeling or heart. 

When someone has or is doing something that I don't agree with or completely against, it's my right to separate myself from the situation. That doesn't mean that I don't want them to change. I do, but I don't have to stay around for any consequences in case they don't change.  For instance, I know several people who have been on the receiving end of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse in a relationship.  Myself included. When I was 18, in love, I thought I was going to marry someone. But all it took was a fight where I was thrown to the ground.  That was it. I deserved better than that, and removed myself from the relationship. But so many people don't. They think he won't do it again, or that it was justified for some unfathomable reason. But there is never an excuse to raise your hand to a woman, or to even make threats. Not anger, not alcohol, not even violence from the woman.  For those who choose to stay in those relationships, I do pray that they change, for both the man and the woman's sake.  But let's not be naive and think that it will never happen again, because most likely he will, no matter how many times he says he's sorry or that he loves you.

Same thing with alcohol and drug use. I've seen what both of those can do to people, especially my father.  I have very few happy memories with my dad, mainly overshadowed by all of the slurred speech, absences, and lack of any care or concern for me and my sister.  I turn 30 next month, so alcohol (and possibly still drugs) have affected his life (and those around him) for the past thirty years. But once I was old enough to make my own decisions, I have separated myself for him, almost completely.  I wish  that he could change, I do. But I don't think it will happen.  He's been affected by it too long. But it's my choice to make that decision to not have him in my life if I don't want those influences in my family's life.

I wish people would just respect my decisions.  You don't have to agree with it, but respect it. I've stood up for something that I believe in. And as difficult and heartbreaking as it has been, we have stuck with our decisions. But these are our decisions to make. I want to provide my family with the happiest and healthiest upbringing, and if that means excluding those who may put that goal at risk, then so be it. It's my right.