Coming Full Circle

There are certain parts of my life that I don't talk about very openly often, especially on my blog.  Years ago, Jordan and I decided we were ready to start trying to have a family of our own.  Of course, being a young couple, we thought it would happen right of way and be relatively easy with no stress. Boy were we wrong.  After a year of trying, we finally got pregnant that summer, the week of my birthday.  It was the best present ever.  We told everybody and anybody, almost right away.  I was too naive to know that things don't always work out how I expected them to.  In the midst of our joy, we learned that I was miscarrying, and I was absolutely devastated.  I literally just wanted to lay in bed for days and cry. But we all know, life must go on.  I was such a mess after all of that, and it was compounded by the fact that many people around me were sharing news that they were expecting.  Jordan didn't know what to do with me.  I was in a true depression.

Shortly before Christmas, I stumbled across a message board on iVillage for those TTCAM (trying to conceive after miscarriage).  There were tons of women on this board, who were going through the same pain as me. I could share my feelings, get advice on what worked for them, and also offer support to them. It was a great outlet for me to find some support.  While my friends/family in real life were there for me, it was comforting to talk about my feelings with those going through the same emotions.  Four months later, I got pregnant. It was difficult to announce my pregnancy to my friends on the board, as they were still struggling. But now I needed a different kind of support, for all the anxiety that the same thing would happen and I would be left heartbroken again. Luckily, there was a small group of us from the TTCAM board who got pregnant around the same time.  We all wanted to keep in touch and continue to be there for each other, so we started up our own private message board where only we could access it.

It's incredible the bond that women can share, especially when you haven't even met in real life.  These women are just incredible, to have to endure the things that they did.  Many had recurring miscarriages, up to five.  Some had to actually deliver their miscarried babies at nearly 5 months along. I cannot even imagine having to do that.  Some were using the help of fertility drugs, IVF, and IUI to help fulfill their dreams of becoming a mother.  Needless to say, this is a strong group. Don't get me wrong, we come from a wide range of backgrounds, have different political views, and live all around the US (and one in the UK!).  But we are drawn together by the things we have endured, and we wanted to stick together.

After a couple months on the private board, one of the other girls who lived in Fort Worth and I decided to meet up for the first time. It was the funniest day, especially because her husband came to drop her off at the restaurant to make sure I wasn't a crazy lady wanting to snatch the baby out of her belly! I laugh, because Jordan just sent me on my way, all by myself. :) It was incredible to finally meet in person.  Since meeting Kyla, she has been to my house and I have been to hers, and our boys have played together.  I have also been lucky enough to travel to Chicago for work and sneak in a visit with Stephanie and Joell while I was there and meet their kiddos.  And today, I finally got to meet Emily (from California) and part of her clan, while she is in Dallas visiting family.  It's weird, because when we meet each other in person and talk, it's like we've been friends in real life for years. And to watch our kids play together is just a blessing.

There are still other girls in the group that I need to meet with and hopefully that will one day happen.  It's been almost 4 years since we first 'met' online, and I am proud to call these girls my friends. We used to joke about going on Oprah to tell our story and all meet up.  Well, Oprah's off the air now. But two girls recently submitted our story to the Rachel Ray show for one of their topics. Who knows, maybe you'll see me on tv one day with this great group of girls, who helped me through a terrible time in my life.

*I'm not including pictures in this post, for those who wish to remain anonymous. :)